Budget
Goblin
$0.49
per month, billed every 11 minutes
- 1 website-ish object
- Half a CPU
- Unlimited limitations
- Email support from Trevor
Budget
Business
Casual
$2.99
renewal price revealed during arbitration
- 3 premium megabytes
- SSL certificate-shaped badge
- One database, lightly used
- Priority emotional support
Enterprise
Legend
$7.00
contact sales and they will be confused
- Cloud-adjacent infrastructure
- Dedicated blinking light
- AI-powered invoice generation
- Quarterly uptime séance
All systems are technically systems
Current uptime: 100.4%
> booting server...
> locating website...
> website located near Cleveland
> success
> locating website...
> website located near Cleveland
> success
“I moved my entire empire here and now it loads eventually.”— Barbara, Regional Wizard
Questions people reluctantly ask
Do you have enterprise customers?
Every customer believes they're enterprise.
Where are the servers?
Mostly indoors.
Do you offer 24/7 support?
We offer support at some point during every 24-hour period.
What happens if I exceed my bandwidth?
We'll both learn something.